Once upon a time there was a rich King who had four wives. He loved
the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated
her
to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.
He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off
to
neighbouring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would
leave
him for another.
He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confidant and was always
kind,
considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem,
he
could confide in her, and she would help him get through the
difficult
times.
The King's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great
contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did
not love the first wife. Although she loved him deeply,
he hardly took
notice of her!
One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short. He
thought
of his luxurious life and wondered, "I now have four wives with me,
but
when I die, I'll be all alone."
Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I have loved you the most, endowed you
with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that
I'm
dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!", replied
the
4th wife, and she walked away without another word. Her answer cut
like a sharp knife right into his heart.
The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you all my life.
Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!",
replied the 3rd wife. "Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to
remarry!" His heart sank and turned cold.
He then asked the 2nd wife, "I have always turned to you for help
and
you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and
keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!",
replied
the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only walk with you to your
grave." Her answer struck him like a bolt of lightning, and the King
was devastated.
Then a voice called out: "I'll go with you. I'll follow you no
matter
where you go." The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She
was very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and
neglect. Greatly grieved, the King said, "I should have taken much
better
care of you when I had the chance!"
In truth, we all have the 4 wives in our lives:
Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we
lavish
in making it look good, it will leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die,
it
will all go to others.
Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have
been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the
grave.
And our 1st wife is our Soul . Often neglected in pursuit of wealth,
power and pleasures of the world. However, our Soul is the only
thing
that will follow us wherever we go.
Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of
us
that will follow us to the throne of God and continue with us
throughout Eternity.
Thought for the day:
Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the
perfect position to pray.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
"Old Jokes"
Getting Old
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well
groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a
good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale
cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid
eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a
drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
>> <><><><><><><>
Getting Older
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. Th! e elderly
gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my
family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've
changed my will three times!"
>> <><><><><><><>
Old . ..
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were
talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it
was really great. I would recommend it very highly. The other man said,
"What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and
finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... the one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's
the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,
"Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
>> <><><><><><><>
Way out there . ...
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his
feet who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a
chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't
know, " he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her
hospital gown."
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well
groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a
good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale
cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid
eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a
drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
>> <><><><><><><>
Getting Older
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. Th! e elderly
gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my
family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've
changed my will three times!"
>> <><><><><><><>
Old . ..
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were
talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it
was really great. I would recommend it very highly. The other man said,
"What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and
finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... the one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's
the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,
"Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
>> <><><><><><><>
Way out there . ...
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his
feet who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a
chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't
know, " he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her
hospital gown."
This is Deep
Watch your thoughts; they become your words.
Watch your words; they become your actions.
Watch your actions; they become your habits.
Watch your habits; they become your character.
"Character is what you know you are, not what others think you have."
-- Marva Collins
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've
imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be
simpler."
-- Henry David Thoreau
"Failure is success if we learn from it."
-- Malcolm Forbes
"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
--Wayne Dyer
Watch your words; they become your actions.
Watch your actions; they become your habits.
Watch your habits; they become your character.
"Character is what you know you are, not what others think you have."
-- Marva Collins
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've
imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be
simpler."
-- Henry David Thoreau
"Failure is success if we learn from it."
-- Malcolm Forbes
"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
--Wayne Dyer
Tragedy or not
President Bush was visiting a primary school in New Orleans and he
dropped in on one of the classes that had just opened after
Hurricane Katrina. They were in the middle of a discussion related
to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the
discussion on the word "tragedy." So President Bush asked the class
for an example of a "tragedy."
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives
on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and
kills him that.....would that be a tragedy?"
"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children
away from the
recent flood waters drove over a cliff killing
everyone inside...that would be a tragedy."
"I am afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would
call a great loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched
the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a
tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised hand. In
a.....quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs.
Bush was struck by a friendly-fire missile and blown to smithereens
that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right, now tell me and the
class why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly
wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a friggen'
accident either."
Therapy - Ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair
dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.3. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with
that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Dont use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat...with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
>13. Go to a poetry recital and Ask..... why don't the poems rhyme
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds
all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name,
Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling
"Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
have to let one of you go."
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.......
send this in an email to someone to make them smile.
It's called therapy.
Words with two meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the
boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-__expression, male bonding.
7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND;
He said .. . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to
put in it.
She said . . .You wear pants don't you?
He said . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I
sit on the sofa and fart!
He said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I
gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet
paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go
to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the
boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-__expression, male bonding.
7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND;
He said .. . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to
put in it.
She said . . .You wear pants don't you?
He said . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I
sit on the sofa and fart!
He said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I
gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet
paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.
He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go
to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Golf and Holes
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.
He saw a lady playing ahead of him.
He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me,
so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened,
and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me,
so you must be on the 13th."
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said,
"Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help."
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales,
and he said he was in sales also.
He asked what she sold.
She replied,
"If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor
laughing so hard.
She said,
"See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at,"
he replied.
"I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"
He saw a lady playing ahead of him.
He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me,
so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened,
and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me,
so you must be on the 13th."
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said,
"Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help."
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales,
and he said he was in sales also.
He asked what she sold.
She replied,
"If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor
laughing so hard.
She said,
"See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at,"
he replied.
"I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"
Think about it - The Truth about Guys and Girls
The Truth about Guys and Girls
Guys drink to forget about the girl...
Girls drink to think back about the guy...
When guys are in love, they become poor.
When girls are in love, they become pretty...
Guys can forget, but cannot forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot forget..
Guys care the most about the quantity of love...
Girls care the most about the quality of love..
Guys break-up when they feel love from another Girl...
Girls break-up when they feel the feeling of Separation from her man...
Guys feel curiosity towards all girls...
Girls feel curiosity towards guys who are interested in her..
When guys are heartbroken, they try to forget About the girl by going out
with another girl...
When girls are heartbroken, they try to find his Characteristics from
another guy...
Guys wish to be her first love....
Girls wish to be his last love..
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