What goes around comes back around

The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before.

"Leave me alone," he growled... To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president.. Now go away."

The woman's smile became even broader.

Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.

Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..

"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"

The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"

"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile."

"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.

"Let me go, officer. I didn't d o anything.."

"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it."

Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived.

The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked."What is all this, is this man in trouble?"

"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered.

"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."

Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place."

The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?"

"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."

"And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"

"What business is that of yours?"

I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company."

"Oh.."

The woman smiled again.. "I thought that might make a difference."

She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a laugh. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"

"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."

"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"

"Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice."

The cafeteria manager turned on his heel. "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."

The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.

"That was not my intent... Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."

She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently.

"Jack, do you remember me?"

Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes. "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."

"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."

"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.

"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment.. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I
saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."

Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."

"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my
food in the cash register, I knew then that everything would be all right."

"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.

"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered.." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll
find something for you to do around the office."

She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always open to you."

There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you?" he asked.

"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. He led me to you."

Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways.. "Thank you for your help officer," she said.

"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget, And thank you for the coffee."

Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You always and don't forget that when you "cast your bread upon the waters," you never know how it will be returned to you. God is so big He can cover the whole world with his
Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go.

Only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!

The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor. If you believe, send it. If you don't believe, delete it.

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..

If you need God to open some doors for you...send this on.

Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing...

"The Task Ahead of Me is Never as Great as the Power Behind Me!!

100 Dollars

A little Jamaican old lady is walking down King Street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $100 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Hey missis, yu doan see money a fall outta yu bag dem?"

"Lawd mi Gawd!" says the little old lady. "Mi have fi go back an fin' dem!" Tenks fi telling mi."

"Hold dung! Not so fast," says the cop. "Is whey yu get di money from? Is tief yu tief it?"?

"Oh, no sah", says the little old lady. "You see, fi mi back yard a right next to the stadium parking lot. Any time a match a gwaan, whole heap a fans dem come and peepee (urinate) t'rough di fence inna mi yard. So, mi tan behind the fence wid di hedge clippers dem. Any time smaddy stick 'im ting through de fence, mi grab it an bawl out, 'One hundred dollar or it a come aff!'"

"Well, dat sound fair," laughs the cop. "Gwaan yu ways and good luck! Oh, by de way, is what inna de other bag?"

"Well, you know sah, is not everybody pay."

Dis wicked

One day a Policeman was directing traffic at Half Way Tree and every minute this madman run up to him and say,'Officer wha time yu hav.' So the police keep running him and say 'yu naa go no weh, so stop ask mi di time'

But the madman keep on coming back so the Police get fed up and say 'ah 2:30 '. The madman then say to the Policeman 'when a 3 O'clock , come suck out mi B@tty'

The Police get vex and start run down the madman wid him batten. So di the madman lost him round a corner near Missa Chin shop.

The Police ask Missa Chin if him see a Madman run pass ya..

Missa Chin say 'no, but a wha him do yu?

Di Police say, 'him see mi a direct traffic round so and come talk say mi fi come suck out him batty when 3o'clock come'

Missa Chin look pan him watch and Say

'But no jus quataa to Three now, Wha happen, yu cyaan wait ??'

Never Give up

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

'God', I asked, 'Can you give me one good reason not to quit?'
His answer surprised me...
'Look around', He said. 'Do you see the fern and the bamboo?'

'Yes', I replied.
'When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.

I gave them light.

I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth.

Its brilliant green covered the floor.

Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
'In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would
not quit.' He said.
'Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared
to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6
months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.'
He asked me. 'Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots'.

'I would not quit on the bamboo.

I will never quit on you.'
'Don't compare yourself to others.'

He said.

'The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.

Yet they both make the forest beautiful.'
'Your time will come', God said to me.

'You will rise high'
'How high should I rise?'

I asked.
'How high will the bamboo rise?' He asked in return.
'As high as it can?' I questioned.
'Yes.' He said, 'Give me glory by rising as high as you can.'
I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

Never, Never, Never Give up.
For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.
Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is,
tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

Red Rose Friends :-)

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life
just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe
that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
that there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it.
This is Forever Friendship.
This is the sacred RED ROSE.

Jamaican Taxi Joke

This skettel gal jumped into a taxi to go downtown, then realizes she didn't have any money to pay for her ride once she reached her destination. So she got out of the taxi, walked over to the drivers window, lifted up her skirt, and said: "Mi no have no money, but mi cyan pay you wit dis instead".
The taxi driver thought for a moment, then ask the girl: "Mek mi see dat again". She smiled, lifted her skirt again and asked: "So, do we have a deal?". The taxi driver looked at her and said "...You nuh have nutin smaller?"

Five Simple Rules

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have..

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from God..

The Donkey Attitude

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway;
it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.
They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw.
With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.


As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up
over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.
The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is a steppingstone.
We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!
Shake it off and take a step up.

Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. You may choose any ma n from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.... There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

The King - My wives, my live

Once upon a time there was a rich King who had four wives. He loved
the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated
her
to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off
to
neighbouring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would
leave
him for another.

He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confidant and was always
kind,
considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem,
he
could confide in her, and she would help him get through the
difficult
times.

The King's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great
contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did
not love the first wife. Although she loved him deeply,
he hardly took
notice of her!

One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short. He
thought
of his luxurious life and wondered, "I now have four wives with me,
but
when I die, I'll be all alone."

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I have loved you the most, endowed you
with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that
I'm
dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!", replied
the
4th wife, and she walked away without another word. Her answer cut
like a sharp knife right into his heart.

The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you all my life.
Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!",
replied the 3rd wife. "Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to
remarry!" His heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I have always turned to you for help
and
you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and
keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!",
replied
the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only walk with you to your
grave." Her answer struck him like a bolt of lightning, and the King
was devastated.

Then a voice called out: "I'll go with you. I'll follow you no
matter
where you go." The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She
was very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and
neglect. Greatly grieved, the King said, "I should have taken much
better
care of you when I had the chance!"

In truth, we all have the 4 wives in our lives:

Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we
lavish
in making it look good, it will leave us when we die.

Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die,
it
will all go to others.

Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have
been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the
grave.

And our 1st wife is our Soul . Often neglected in pursuit of wealth,
power and pleasures of the world. However, our Soul is the only
thing
that will follow us wherever we go.

Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of
us
that will follow us to the throne of God and continue with us
throughout Eternity.

Thought for the day:

Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the
perfect position to pray.

"Old Jokes"

Getting Old

A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well
groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a
good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale

cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid
eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a
drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

>> <><><><><><><>

Getting Older

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. Th! e elderly
gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my
family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've
changed my will three times!"


>> <><><><><><><>

Old . ..

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were
talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it
was really great. I would recommend it very highly. The other man said,

"What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and
finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... the one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's
the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,
"Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

>> <><><><><><><>

Way out there . ...

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.

However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his

feet who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a

chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't
know, " he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her
hospital gown."

This is Deep

Watch your thoughts; they become your words.
Watch your words; they become your actions.
Watch your actions; they become your habits.
Watch your habits; they become your character.

"Character is what you know you are, not what others think you have."
-- Marva Collins

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've
imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be
simpler."
-- Henry David Thoreau

"Failure is success if we learn from it."
-- Malcolm Forbes

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
--Wayne Dyer

Tragedy or not

President Bush was visiting a primary school in New Orleans and he
dropped in on one of the classes that had just opened after
Hurricane Katrina.  They were in the middle of a discussion related
to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the
discussion on the word "tragedy."  So President Bush asked the class
for an example of a "tragedy."

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives
on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and
kills him that.....would that be a tragedy?"
"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children
away from the
recent flood waters drove over a cliff killing
everyone inside...that would be a tragedy."
"I am afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would
call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched
the room.  "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a
tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised hand. In
a.....quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs.
Bush was struck by a friendly-fire missile and blown to smithereens
that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right, now tell me and the
class why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly
wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a friggen'
accident either."

Therapy - Ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair
dryer at passing cars.  See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't disguise your voice.3. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with
that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.  Once everyone has gotten
over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Dont use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat...with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
>13. Go to a poetry recital and Ask..... why don't the poems rhyme
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds
all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name,
Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling
"Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
have to let one of you go."
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.......
send this in an email to someone to make them smile.
It's called therapy.

Words with two meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the
boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-__expression, male bonding.

7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND;

He said .. . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to
put in it.
She said . . .You wear pants don't you?

He said . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I
sit on the sofa and fart!

He said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I
gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet
paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go
to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Golf and Holes

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.
He saw a lady playing ahead of him.
He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me,
so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened,
and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me,
so you must be on the 13th."
Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said,
"Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help."
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales,
and he said he was in sales also.
He asked what she sold.

She replied,
"If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor
laughing so hard.
She said,
"See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at,"
he replied.
"I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"

Think about it - The Truth about Guys and Girls

The Truth about Guys and Girls

Guys drink to forget about the girl...
Girls drink to think back about the guy...


When guys are in love, they become poor.
When girls are in love, they become pretty...


Guys can forget, but cannot forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot forget..


Guys care the most about the quantity of love...
Girls care the most about the quality of love..


Guys break-up when they feel love from another Girl...
Girls break-up when they feel the feeling of Separation from her man...

Guys feel curiosity towards all girls...
Girls feel curiosity towards guys who are interested in her..


When guys are heartbroken, they try to forget About the girl by going out
with another girl...
When girls are heartbroken, they try to find his Characteristics from
another guy...


Guys wish to be her first love....
Girls wish to be his last love..

Only a Jamaican

There were three men from the Caribbean living together in London; a Trinidadian, a Barbadian and a Jamaican who were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food. However, upon coming close to a posh, fancy and very expensive restaurant they came up with a plan.The Trinidadian went in first. After being seated he ordered a threecourse meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal the waiter came by with the cheque."But I paid you!" the Trinidadian shouted. The waiter was very confused as he could not remember being paid, but as he did not want to cause any trouble...he let the Trini leave..Five minutes later the Barbadian walked into the restaurant andordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for food. "But I paid you!" The Barbadian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the Bajan, and as he did not want anything to upset the other customers he let the Bajan go.Ten minutes later the Jamaican walked in, sat down, lit acigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu plus two Red Stripe beers. After he had finished, the waiter came to col lect the money for the meal and before asking for it, the waiter said, "Sir... I have been having a sort of problem all day and I can't understand it. Other people like you came in earlier and ate and they said that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them, so................ But Before he could finish, theJamaican chimed in loudly "Hear mi nuh boss, that ah fi yu problem...jus gimme mi change!"

She's Good

NoteFound on the Refrigerator One Morning:

MyDear Wife,
Youwill surely understand that I have certain needs that you,being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happywith you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, afterreading this letter, I hope that you will not wronglyinterpret the fact that I will be spending the evening withmy 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Pleasedon't be upset I shall be home beforemidnight.

Whenthe man came home late that night, he found the followingletter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about mybeing 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity toremind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I ama math teacher at our local college. I would like to informyou that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiestawith Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistanttennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary,is 18 years old. As a successful businessmanwho has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understandthat we are in the same situation, although with one smalldifference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goesinto 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometimetomorrow.